Facebook

There's a new status "game" going around Facebook recently and it's really been bothering me.

**Like my status and I'll give you a number. You have to post that number of things about your pregnancy(ies)**

Maybe it's because we're at the end of another failed IUI cycle and we're currently benched this next cycle. Maybe it's because I am so envious and jealous of all of those ladies who have been pregnant and can participate in this "game". I decided to do a twist on the game...and maybe I'll use this on day as my "coming out" post on Facebook.

3 Things about my Pregnancy

1) I have never been able to experience the bundle of emotions that comes with getting a positive pregnancy test. I want to experience those feelings more than anything in the world.
2) We have been struggling with infertility and the probability of us getting pregnant on our own, without medical assistance, is extremely slim.
3) We spend thousands of dollars, and hours and hours, *every* month, at a reproductive endocrinologist's office trying to make our dreams of becoming a family a reality.

That being said, we need your support, I need your support. I need my friends to say things like “I am here for you if you want to talk, or not talk, or drink, or swear, or shop. But if you don’t want to that’s perfectly ok. I’ll be here waiting for you when YOU are ready”.

This is a painful and difficult journey to be on. Sometimes there is no hope, just disappointment, desperation, despair. You feel totally alienated and you can quickly become consumed by your situation. Your world shrinks to the world of infertility and you fight tooth and nail to protect the fragile hold you have on sanity.

 

Wow....

So,  IUI #2 failed. Not only did it fail, but it also caused a huge cyst on my left ovary, causing us to be benched for our next cycle. It was absolutely devastating to me hearing my RE say we were benched. It's going to be extremely difficult for us to do treatments the next 5 months because of busy season, so we were really hoping December would be *our* month.

To add insult to injury....My best friend texts me to tell me she is 9 weeks pregnant. At first, I was soooooo mad that she felt the best way to deliver that news to me was through a text message. I felt completely blindsided. I understand that she thought this was the best way to tell me, and even though I disagree, I understand where she was coming from and I can't be upset with her about that.

I still have so many emotions about this situation. I am so happy for her. I'm happy that she won't have to go through what Brian and I are going through - she was diagnosed with PCOS at a younger age and always thought she would struggle getting pregnant. But while I'm happy for her, I am so incredibly sad for us.


"Intense desire for something, coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life's most painful combination."

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."

Feeling a little defeated today...

I'm 11dpiui today and even though I promised Brian I wouldn't test until Saturday (14dpiui) I broke down and tested this morning anyway...It was as negative as negative can be. If this cycle turns out to be a failure like the first, we're going to have to take a break because financially we just can't afford it right now without putting the treatments on a credit card, and we've been working so hard at getting out of credit card debt, I don't want to put us in even more debt before we even have a baby! Being 100% OOP is absolutely shitty (pardon my language). We're spending about $1,000 every month on medication, ultrasounds, IUI's, etc. That's more than our mortgage payment...that's more than both of our car payments combined! It's making it impossible for us to build our savings.

Even though Ohio has laws that require infertility coverage (see below) - my employer falls under the exemption, as does my husbands.

The thought of having to stop just absolutely breaks my heart. My friend suggested starting a gofundme.com account...but I'm not sure I'm ready to tell everyone about our struggles and I feel so weird asking people for money. I just don't know what to do....



OHIO
1991
Ohio Rev. Code Ann. Section 1751.01(A)(7)
Coverage

• Requires HMOs to cover “basic health care services” including infertility services, when they are medically necessary.
• Diagnostic and exploratory procedures are covered, including surgical procedures to correct the medically diagnosed disease or condition of the reproductive organs including, but not limited to: endometriosis; collapsed/clogged fallopian tubes; testicular failure.
• IVF, GIFT and ZIFT may be covered, but are not required by the law.

Exceptions

• Employers who self-insure are exempt from the requirements of the law.

(Courtesy of www.resolve.org)