Thursday, November 14, 2013
I'm so bad at remembering to post!
I'm really bad about writing up a post and then saving it, but never posting it! Which is why there are like 4 posts all from today! Oops!
On to IUI #2!!!
Got the call from the RE's office on Tuesday saying they wanted me to come in for an u/s as soon as I got back from my trip, so we scheduled an appointment for Thursday morning. The nurse said she couldn't guarantee that I'd actually be able to start medication. I guess if you already have follicle growth, she won't start you on any medication. Well, for once my body's inability to function the way it's supposed to worked in my favor. No follie growth, so I start another 5 day round of Clomid today! She did lower my dose though because she's worried about my lining being so thin even though I'm on baby aspirin. If this cycle doesn't work out, and we decide to continue trying, we'll be switching medications next cycle.
So our schedule for this IUI is - 50mg of Clomid CD6-10, mid-cycle u/s on CD14 and hopefully IUI on CD15 or 16. The RE suggested doing back-to-back IUI's since I had so much discomfort during the last cycle. We'll discuss it more at my mid-cycle appointment.
So our schedule for this IUI is - 50mg of Clomid CD6-10, mid-cycle u/s on CD14 and hopefully IUI on CD15 or 16. The RE suggested doing back-to-back IUI's since I had so much discomfort during the last cycle. We'll discuss it more at my mid-cycle appointment.
IUI #1 was a bust :(
My RE doesn't bring you in for a beta unless you get a positive test on your "test day" so I peed on a test as instructed and got a big fat BFN. I was so (naively) hopeful for this cycle because it was the first time we actually had a good shot (or any shot actually!) since we started TTC. After that conversation with my SIL, I'm just absolutely crushed.
Hours after my test, AF showed up. Just awesome. I called the RE to see if I can get in tomorrow (Sunday) before I leave for my work trip. I hope they call back soon...I don't want this cycle to be a bust because it's more than likely our last cycle until next summer :(
Update - The RE never called me back, so I called them again Sunday morning and got this response "Unless you can be here in 20 minutes, there isn't anything we can do for you." I live 40 minutes away from the RE. I absolutely lost it at that point. I apologized to the nurse because I just couldn't stop sobbing. She said she would talk to the dr and see if I could come in on CD6 (the first day I would be back in town after my work trip) but I won't hear from her until Tuesday.
I went upstairs and just cried and cried while Brian held me. I honestly don't know what I would do without that man sometimes. I don't have many weak moments, but when I do, he is always my rock.
Hours after my test, AF showed up. Just awesome. I called the RE to see if I can get in tomorrow (Sunday) before I leave for my work trip. I hope they call back soon...I don't want this cycle to be a bust because it's more than likely our last cycle until next summer :(
Update - The RE never called me back, so I called them again Sunday morning and got this response "Unless you can be here in 20 minutes, there isn't anything we can do for you." I live 40 minutes away from the RE. I absolutely lost it at that point. I apologized to the nurse because I just couldn't stop sobbing. She said she would talk to the dr and see if I could come in on CD6 (the first day I would be back in town after my work trip) but I won't hear from her until Tuesday.
I went upstairs and just cried and cried while Brian held me. I honestly don't know what I would do without that man sometimes. I don't have many weak moments, but when I do, he is always my rock.
You're lucky you live across the country bitch.
Today I had the discussion with my family that we don't want anyone to purchase gifts for us, because we aren't going to be able to purchase many gifts this year and my SIL said some EXTREMELY hurtful things some of which are:
1) If my kids are slighted now, I will remember it if you do have your own
2) Putting yourself into debt to have a baby on top of personal medical expenses was a choice. something that's planned. not an emergency. and given that you are an accountant I would assume you had budgeted accordingly, as well as thought about the holidays in advance when doing so, as people generally do.
3) I'm legitimately surprised that someone who studied and works in finance never seems to have it together. I'm sure you'll take it as criticism, but it's an observation I felt the need to make because it doesn't make sense --especially from where my uneducated and unemployed ass is sitting, where we only have one very shitty military income and two kids, no experience in managing finances and are affected everyday by the cost of living in Hawaii, no family/reliable resources to turn to, yet we don't seem to have the issues that a couple as put together as you and Brian do.
4) Take your two shits and shove them up your ass because the only thing I'm thinking Samantha is damn, for two people that smart and capable, they must have really fucked themselves.
5) it just hurts when people have to take things out on kids
Let me address these things one at a time -
1) Your children are both under the age of 5 - I highly doubt they will feel slighted for not receiving a toy they will either break or forget about in a week.
2) We are not putting ourselves in debt to have a baby, which is why our budget has gotten a lot stricter. We are paying cash for everything - EVERYTHING - so every extra penny we absolutely do not need to spend gets put into our savings account so we have some type of savings account left at the end of this. Also, we did budget for Christmas, however, no one wanted to partake in our cheaper gift exchange idea and we can't afford to spend a million dollars on each person in the family.
3) How exactly do we "not have it together"? We own our own home, we just purchased two new cars in the past year, we have very little credit card debt and we paid for our entire $12K wedding on our own.... Just because we decided to not buy gifts for anyone doesn't mean that we "don't have it together."
3) continued - That's right bitch, you are an unemployed leech. You wouldn't know how to manage finances even if someone smacked you with finances for dummies. My brother handles all that shit for you and there's a reason for it.
3) One last thing about number 3 - We don't have family to turn to either if we get into a financial bind. Read above ^^paid for our entire wedding ourselves^^ Both of my parents really do live paycheck to paycheck. They couldn't help me out even if they knew we were struggling. Oh, and my grandparents, who used to help me out tremendously when I was in college, can't do that anymore since my grandpa retired. They spend more money every month on medication for my grandma than they bring in.
4) See above - I'm not sure how we really fucked ourselves.....
5) I hate when people try to use their kids to make other people feel bad. None of this has anything to do with the kids. I would never take my hatred of you out on them. I'm a little more mature than that.
One of the amazing ladies on the 3T board suggested some of the following comebacks...and they are awesome, so I'm leaving them here too just in case my SIL decides to find my blog and come read this (I kind of hope she does).
"Okay deal, as long as you pay for the fertility treatments as my Christmas present from you guys."
"Fine, as long as you give me my future kids gifts PLUS the cost of fertility treatments that I have to have which you didn't need to have yours. Fair's fair after all."
"Somehow trying to have my own children ranks higher on my financial priority list than buying you a sweater that you'll regift anyway."
"So you think I should get your kids a toy they'll probably break or forget about in a week instead of trying to have kids of my own? Seems fair."
Just in case she does read this - before you start telling me how to live my life and spend my money, grow up, start making money of your own, and take care of your own children.
If you made it all the way through this - I applaud you :)
1) If my kids are slighted now, I will remember it if you do have your own
2) Putting yourself into debt to have a baby on top of personal medical expenses was a choice. something that's planned. not an emergency. and given that you are an accountant I would assume you had budgeted accordingly, as well as thought about the holidays in advance when doing so, as people generally do.
3) I'm legitimately surprised that someone who studied and works in finance never seems to have it together. I'm sure you'll take it as criticism, but it's an observation I felt the need to make because it doesn't make sense --especially from where my uneducated and unemployed ass is sitting, where we only have one very shitty military income and two kids, no experience in managing finances and are affected everyday by the cost of living in Hawaii, no family/reliable resources to turn to, yet we don't seem to have the issues that a couple as put together as you and Brian do.
4) Take your two shits and shove them up your ass because the only thing I'm thinking Samantha is damn, for two people that smart and capable, they must have really fucked themselves.
5) it just hurts when people have to take things out on kids
Let me address these things one at a time -
1) Your children are both under the age of 5 - I highly doubt they will feel slighted for not receiving a toy they will either break or forget about in a week.
2) We are not putting ourselves in debt to have a baby, which is why our budget has gotten a lot stricter. We are paying cash for everything - EVERYTHING - so every extra penny we absolutely do not need to spend gets put into our savings account so we have some type of savings account left at the end of this. Also, we did budget for Christmas, however, no one wanted to partake in our cheaper gift exchange idea and we can't afford to spend a million dollars on each person in the family.
3) How exactly do we "not have it together"? We own our own home, we just purchased two new cars in the past year, we have very little credit card debt and we paid for our entire $12K wedding on our own.... Just because we decided to not buy gifts for anyone doesn't mean that we "don't have it together."
3) continued - That's right bitch, you are an unemployed leech. You wouldn't know how to manage finances even if someone smacked you with finances for dummies. My brother handles all that shit for you and there's a reason for it.
3) One last thing about number 3 - We don't have family to turn to either if we get into a financial bind. Read above ^^paid for our entire wedding ourselves^^ Both of my parents really do live paycheck to paycheck. They couldn't help me out even if they knew we were struggling. Oh, and my grandparents, who used to help me out tremendously when I was in college, can't do that anymore since my grandpa retired. They spend more money every month on medication for my grandma than they bring in.
4) See above - I'm not sure how we really fucked ourselves.....
5) I hate when people try to use their kids to make other people feel bad. None of this has anything to do with the kids. I would never take my hatred of you out on them. I'm a little more mature than that.
One of the amazing ladies on the 3T board suggested some of the following comebacks...and they are awesome, so I'm leaving them here too just in case my SIL decides to find my blog and come read this (I kind of hope she does).
"Okay deal, as long as you pay for the fertility treatments as my Christmas present from you guys."
"Fine, as long as you give me my future kids gifts PLUS the cost of fertility treatments that I have to have which you didn't need to have yours. Fair's fair after all."
"Somehow trying to have my own children ranks higher on my financial priority list than buying you a sweater that you'll regift anyway."
"So you think I should get your kids a toy they'll probably break or forget about in a week instead of trying to have kids of my own? Seems fair."
Just in case she does read this - before you start telling me how to live my life and spend my money, grow up, start making money of your own, and take care of your own children.
If you made it all the way through this - I applaud you :)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Mid-Cycle Ultrasound
Today I had my mid-cycle ultrasound and I responded beautifully to the 100mg of Clomid! I had two follies on my left side measuring at 17 and 17 and I had three follies on my right side measuring 20, 20 and 18!
The RE had me trigger this morning and told us to HIO tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. We decided to go TI for a few cycles to see how things went, however, tonight I am deeply regretting that decision!
My right ovary is totally killing me... when we had sex tonight, I thought I was going to cry. I don't know if I can handle two more days of this. I'm going to call the RE's office first thing tomorrow to see if we can switch to IUI this cycle. Fingers crossed that we can!
The RE had me trigger this morning and told us to HIO tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. We decided to go TI for a few cycles to see how things went, however, tonight I am deeply regretting that decision!
My right ovary is totally killing me... when we had sex tonight, I thought I was going to cry. I don't know if I can handle two more days of this. I'm going to call the RE's office first thing tomorrow to see if we can switch to IUI this cycle. Fingers crossed that we can!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Starting a family
Brian and I have always dreamt of the day we would start our family. At first we thought we wanted to wait a few years after we got married before we started to actively try to conceive. Then after a few months of marriage, we decided we didn't want to wait anymore.
So, in March of this year, I went off birth control so we could get to business ;)
Fast forward to July - No temp increases, no positive ovulation tests, no periods. I knew something wasn't quite right, so I called my OB. Long story short, he prescribed Provera, to just start my period and Clomid to help stimulate ovulation.
Anyone who knows anything about Clomid knows you DO NOT take it without proper testing being completed first or without monitoring. Taking Clomid unmonitored can lead to cysts and it can also seriously increase your chances of having high order multiples (Think Octo-mom and Jon & Kate). Well, my OB didn't feel it necessary to do any of that. After reading the risks of unmonitored Clomid, I decided my OB was cray-cray and called a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to schedule an appointment.
At the end of August we met with our RE for an initial consultation. She went over my history and my husbands history in detail and then ordered some tests. I had an ultrasound and loads of blood work (which included some genetic testing) before I even walked out of the office. At the time of the ultrasound, she also informed me I had 3 marvelous cysts taking residency on my ovaries. She also ordered a sperm analysis for hubs, and then a glucose/insulin fasting test, an HSG and a sonohysterogram for me.
Through September, we went through all of the testing the RE ordered and today we went back to the office to sit down and discuss all of the results and put a plan into place. Here's a breakdown of all of our testing results:
HSG - showed no blockages & clear tubes! Side note: this test was INCREDIBLY painful. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this was crazy intense. Thankfully it only lasts a few minutes!
SHG - showed no polyps, fibroids, etc, however it did show I have a "dipped" uterus. The RE isn't concerned with this at the moment. If I have multiple miscarriages, then it's something we'll have to look into further.
Genetic Testing - I am a carrier of cystic fibrosis. We received these results a few weeks ago, so Brian could go in and get tested as well and the results would be in by today. Thankfully, we found out today that Brian is not a CF carrier!
Sperm Analysis - The RE didn't give us exact numbers, but she raved at how good Brian's numbers were.
Fasting Glucose/Insulin Testing & Blood work - Official diagnosis after looking at all of the blood work - Annovulatory, insulin resistant (IR) PCOS. Which basically boils down to I don't ovulate on my own.
Treatment Plan - Because my insulin levels were borderline, the RE is allowing me to work on some dietary changes and is going to hold off on putting me on any type of medication for that. Transitioning to a low carb, low sugar diet is going to be rough for me. I *LOVE* sugar.
When it comes to baby making, the RE suggested, because of Brian's great numbers, a few cycles of medicated timed intercourse prior to going to more advanced treatment (IUI, IVF, etc). So we are starting this month, with Clomid + HCG + TI. I'm thankful we're able to go the timed intercourse route for a few cycles because my current insurance covers absolutely nothing...not even our testing.
Hopefully we'll get pregnant before we have to step up to IUI/IVF, but if not, my insurance will be changing after the new year, with the hopes of better infertility coverage. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there though :)
So, in March of this year, I went off birth control so we could get to business ;)
Fast forward to July - No temp increases, no positive ovulation tests, no periods. I knew something wasn't quite right, so I called my OB. Long story short, he prescribed Provera, to just start my period and Clomid to help stimulate ovulation.
Anyone who knows anything about Clomid knows you DO NOT take it without proper testing being completed first or without monitoring. Taking Clomid unmonitored can lead to cysts and it can also seriously increase your chances of having high order multiples (Think Octo-mom and Jon & Kate). Well, my OB didn't feel it necessary to do any of that. After reading the risks of unmonitored Clomid, I decided my OB was cray-cray and called a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to schedule an appointment.
At the end of August we met with our RE for an initial consultation. She went over my history and my husbands history in detail and then ordered some tests. I had an ultrasound and loads of blood work (which included some genetic testing) before I even walked out of the office. At the time of the ultrasound, she also informed me I had 3 marvelous cysts taking residency on my ovaries. She also ordered a sperm analysis for hubs, and then a glucose/insulin fasting test, an HSG and a sonohysterogram for me.
Through September, we went through all of the testing the RE ordered and today we went back to the office to sit down and discuss all of the results and put a plan into place. Here's a breakdown of all of our testing results:
HSG - showed no blockages & clear tubes! Side note: this test was INCREDIBLY painful. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this was crazy intense. Thankfully it only lasts a few minutes!
SHG - showed no polyps, fibroids, etc, however it did show I have a "dipped" uterus. The RE isn't concerned with this at the moment. If I have multiple miscarriages, then it's something we'll have to look into further.
Genetic Testing - I am a carrier of cystic fibrosis. We received these results a few weeks ago, so Brian could go in and get tested as well and the results would be in by today. Thankfully, we found out today that Brian is not a CF carrier!
Sperm Analysis - The RE didn't give us exact numbers, but she raved at how good Brian's numbers were.
Fasting Glucose/Insulin Testing & Blood work - Official diagnosis after looking at all of the blood work - Annovulatory, insulin resistant (IR) PCOS. Which basically boils down to I don't ovulate on my own.
Treatment Plan - Because my insulin levels were borderline, the RE is allowing me to work on some dietary changes and is going to hold off on putting me on any type of medication for that. Transitioning to a low carb, low sugar diet is going to be rough for me. I *LOVE* sugar.
When it comes to baby making, the RE suggested, because of Brian's great numbers, a few cycles of medicated timed intercourse prior to going to more advanced treatment (IUI, IVF, etc). So we are starting this month, with Clomid + HCG + TI. I'm thankful we're able to go the timed intercourse route for a few cycles because my current insurance covers absolutely nothing...not even our testing.
Hopefully we'll get pregnant before we have to step up to IUI/IVF, but if not, my insurance will be changing after the new year, with the hopes of better infertility coverage. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there though :)
Sunday, October 6, 2013
"Friends"
This weekend was so incredibly tough. I don't really want to divulge in the details, but I will say that it was non-infertility related and I was facing some pretty serious life changing events.
My anger, however, stems from a "friend" who knew I was going through a very serious situation and hardly reached out to see how I was.
Our relationship has become more one sided as every day passes. I'm always there to listen to her when she's having problems, but when I need a shoulder or even just a small "hey thinking of you" text, she's nowhere to be found.
I was talking to my husband this weekend and I decided that I don't need people like that in my life. So I'm done being a good friend. Sure, maybe that sounds shitty, but there are people in my life who do give me the love and support that I need and I much rather give them more attention because I know they'll appreciate it.
Life is too short to waste time and effort on relationships that aren't appreciated.
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